Human relationship is an art that need to be learned. It has to be upgraded continuously. This art is like software which can become obsolete as time changes. The relationship in office is very different from the relationship we find in a family.
A family is built on bond of love and commitment. But colleagues in
an office or in any working environment are totally different. They
come from a different background or from a different location or
country. They might be from a different race and religion. They have
different beliefs. They have different aspirations towards work. They
do not have a common platform like a family: probably same background;
same race and religion; might be same college (got a crush with your
partner and got married); probably same location (you meet your sweet
heart guy or girl in a bus stop or train subway and got a crush). There
is common ground in a family.
We hear divorce rate is growing at a higher rate in a particular age
group of married couples in a particular country. We hear this often in
mass media or newspaper. There is relationship problem. But if there is
a marriage ritual between colleagues I think its divorce rate will
dwarf the divorce rate of husband and wife. So do not fear of
statistics.
Most income is most probably earned through employment. We have to
work to get an income to ‘run’ our family or our self. The average
person spends about 48 to 50 ‘conscious’ hours in a week with working
colleagues as compared to only 34 conscious hours with family members.
Therefore the urgency to fine tune the tactics of having a harmonious
relationship with working colleagues is much needed.
Be Optimistic
Today I was browsing through a calendar 2009 which depicts the
Chinese zodiac. As I was reading those who were born in the year of the
dog – the magic word that caught my eye was the word ‘optimistic’.
Those who were born on the year of the dog are optimistic. I thought to
myself why not all of us be optimistic? I mean see on the bright side
of life. See the light at the end of the tunnel. Observe only the plus
point in another person. If a person who is selfish but fulfills what
he promised can be a trustworthy person. Each individual is born unique
and this uniqueness if understood correctly we will be able to forget
their fault and appreciate their goodness. Are you perfect?
Be energetic and Confident
A lethargic personality does not attract people. A lazy inactive
person is seen as an unsuccessful personality. A person who enters the
office arena with a life in his face and body language is seen as an
approachable person. When you say ‘good morning’ with energy and
dynamism you are actually transporting that energy to other person. The
posture of your walking and sitting tell tales about you.
When a person sits or stands upright he is seen as a confident
person. A confident person gets attraction more quickly than a person
with low esteem.
Do not be rude
This is experienced by many people at work place. If your close to a
particular colleague that person is most likely has had not been rude
to you as others. They key to better rapport with others is to make
others put in a happy state. Whenever you around them they feel
happier. Use the magic word ‘please’ and ‘help’ much often. Use phrase
like ‘Would you like …’ or ‘Can I suggest this to you..’ In speech and
behavior you have to give an impression as a humble person. When you
are humble people will see that you are nice person to be with.
Be Objective
You may have heard that to be better in interpersonal skills ‘you
have to be yourself. There is a danger to this in. If you remain
yourself only you will like your self not others. We cannot be
ourselves with working colleague. At home you can be in your pajamas
but at work you have to different. This is common sense. In behavior
too you have put up a more manageable you.
Rather than being yourself you can be objective as possible. The
objective is to make each one of your colleague like you. Say something
nice to them. Start from the receptionist. Give your sincere comment
that she looks very nice in that dress. Say something nice each day.
Enjoy gossip
Working is synonymous to gossip. Gossip is the culture for most of
us. Though it is bad to spread bad gossip, it is an inevitable aspect
of management- how will management manage a gossip. But since everyone
is doing it if you lay back to this culture you will be disliked by
many. Join in the gossip. If a gossiper says something about something
show interest in that topic. Most of the workers stay in a company not
because of pay or better bonus but the presence of a gossip community.
If you are participating in their gossip you are wanted by them.
Enjoy being gossiped
Be prepared to take gossip in the positive way if you are the
target. Be happy that people are talking about you and you are being
noticed. If you resist then you are swimming against the sea current.
If you react to this you will be seen as very sensitive person and
people may shun you for good. The focus here is to get the community
like you. If you take lightly about being gossiped most probably the
gossip will fade away. Be happy and enjoy being gossiped.
Be Funny
Laughter is the best medicine. Make your colleague laugh and you
will be wanted by many. Try making a story each day in a funny way and
tell to your colleague. In fact, what you experience everyday can be
distorted to a funny story.
Today while I was boarding a bus and I need to tap my ez-link card
on the entrance tap sensor. There was a lady in front of me also
boarding the bus. While I was about to tap my card I accidentally raise
up her skirt wide enough to notice her panty! I got so embarrassed.
Story like this can be exchanged with your colleague. If you are funny
people will be glued to you.
Date Them
When I say date I do not mean to be flirty. I mean to get
personalized connection with your colleague. Have you date a guy? No
you are not a gay. Dating colleague is actually a healthy way of
communication. You are spending your time and sometime a little money
on them. You do this and your colleague will miss you.
Remember their birth dates
Most marketing companies send birthday greeting cards to pull their
clients to their service. It is because your birthday is only important
to one person – that is you. That is the weakest part of any human
being. They feel wanted if someone sends him or her birthday greetings.
This is a killer tactic in human relationship. I always sent short
message service to my colleague and remember their birth day.
Listen To Their Success Story
The human is only preoccupied with oneself. It is by nature a patron
of egoism. The topic in discussion is either about someone else
(gossip) or about him or her. Be realistic- I think you are also
egoistic. Being egoistic is part of our nature. The next time your
colleague talks about him or her –remember you will be doing that also
and give your time in that story. Learn to listen to their ‘success’
story.
Show Your Hospitality
Find opportunity to call your colleague to a party. New Year’s
countdown is a good opportunity to invite your colleague for a party.
This will create a natural bond between you and your colleague. To
share your birthday, your child’ success story (after they obtain good
grades in the academic results), your anniversary, your festivities
with colleague are great ways to show that you will want to bond them.
Gain Attention
Success in any field is a function of the majority vote. Just like
in politics, leaders are chosen because they have a majority vote. It
is because they are different from their predecessor. Is Mr Barack
Obama different from Mr Bush?
Likewise, if you want support from your colleague you have to be crowd
puller. The simple thing you have to do is to be different. The way you
dress or the way you speak has to have a charisma to pull them towards
you. If you are a guy start letting down your hair – that will be
different in today’s context.
Be A Baby
How do you receive a baby? A baby is cute and very manageable. The
baby is always nice to hold and taken care of. Everyone likes a baby.
Look out for opportunity for people to guide you. God like to guide us
–why? It is because God like our ‘innocent’ stage which had been
mentioned in many religious holy books like the bible and the Al Quran.
God want to us to approach in an innocent manner. Most people are in
fact helped miraculously by nature when they have been cut off by
almost all logical help.
If you want an affiliation with a colleague, even if you know what
to do, request for an ‘innocent’ help. They will come close to you.
Tell Them A Sad Story
People, who are very good in communication, like to relate a story
or two. Facts can be sometime boring. Communication is the stumbling
block in interpersonal relationship. A good communication has an added
flavor of a sad story. The important thing is to have a third party
involved as the subject. By telling a sad story about someone you are
actually giving an impression you are a compassionate person. A
compassionate person is well respected in society. Can you forget
Mother Theresa even she is no more with us?
Attend their invitation with a gift
Attend your colleague invitation. Invitation is a great sign for
bonding. Attending to invitation is also a sign of respect if we
respond favorably. But you can add fuel to that bonding is by giving a
gift when you attend the invitation.
Visit when they are sick
If a colleague fall sick that is the greatest opportunity. Scientist
told us a long time ago that babies who are well taken of will become
to develop right personality when they become adult. It is all about
human touch. Touch is a fantastic way of getting connected with your
colleague. Your sick colleague will be very happy when they have
visitors and touch them and tell them she or he will be well.
Congratulate them for their promotion
Praise is often cited a good practice of gelling with anyone. But
when you praise someone at the right time it is a perfect dart of
rapport building. When your colleague get promoted next time, take this
opportunity to tell them they deserve more in life. Try out this tactic
and you will get a fantastic rapport link from your colleague.
Model them
Modeling will also has some good result in creating a bond with
colleague. When I say modeling is actually to capturing the style of
their communication and movement. Each individual is unique. If you can
copy that uniqueness and relate them when you communicate it is a plus
point for a bond to form. This has to be carried out when you are
dealing with one particular colleague.
You can model the behavior of most popular people. If you watch the
American Idol the most popular judge is Mr Simon Cowell. His emphatic
style of communication is admired by many. This you can do in a group
communication.
Help them
Live and let live. Even a person born with a silver spoon needs to
perform an action to use it. Effort is what matters in living. Offer
you advice if your colleague wants them. Most people are actually proud
or shy to ask. This is bad habit. If you are colleague, you are most
likely on the same position or ‘same boat’. There is nothing wrong to
ask and learn. If someone asks for a help sincerely help them. You will
be admired.
Put on a smile
Smile is the facial expression most people like to see. A good smile
couples with sincerity. Put a good smile as it is the first impression
that you are getting ready to connect. Smile will not carry yourself
very far if you did not do a bit to practice the points mentioned
above. At least try one point at a time and then you smile.
